Seven orders of love between Parents and Children

Principle: Parents are the givers of life, love, and care, and children are the receivers. The flow of love moves from parents to children, not the other way around.
Key Understanding:
- Children can never repay their parents for the gift of life; this gift is priceless and unconditional.
- Attempts by children to "repay" their parents (e.g., by taking on their burdens) can create imbalances.
Healing Focus: Children honor their parents by receiving life and making the most of it, not by trying to give back what they received.

Principle: Parents are "big" (in terms of their role and responsibility), and children are "small." Parents come first in the family hierarchy.
Key Understanding:
- When children try to "parent" their parents (emotionally, financially, or otherwise), the natural order is disrupted.
- Taking on a parent’s role can cause stress, confusion, and over-responsibility for the child.
Healing Focus: Parents need to take responsibility for their own lives, and children need to be free to focus on their own growth and development.

Principle: Children find peace when they fully accept their parents as they are, without judgment or conditions.
Key Understanding:
- Rejecting or blaming parents for their shortcomings creates inner turmoil for the child.
- Parents' limitations and struggles are part of their humanity and the family system's story.
Healing Focus: Acknowledge and accept the life, love, and limitations given by parents without trying to change them.

Principle: Children unconsciously take on their parents' unresolved emotional pain, guilt, or responsibilities in an effort to "help" or "balance" the family system.
Key Understanding:
- This often happens when parents rely on children for emotional support or when family traumas remain unresolved.
- Children need to be free from carrying what does not belong to them.
Healing Focus: Release inherited burdens and recognize that parents are responsible for their own lives and choices.

Principle: The ultimate act of love from a child to a parent is gratitude for the gift of life, regardless of the circumstances.
Key Understanding:
- Life itself is the greatest gift, even if the circumstances of a child's upbringing were challenging.
- Healing comes when a child shifts from resentment to gratitude, recognizing the flow of life that came through their parents.
Healing Focus: Focus on what was given, rather than what was lacking.

Principle: Parents give the best love they are capable of, even if it is imperfect or limited.
Key Understanding:
- Holding onto resentment for "what could have been" creates stagnation in the flow of love.
- Accepting that parents gave all they could, given their circumstances, fosters healing.
Healing Focus: Release unmet expectations and embrace the sufficiency of what was given.

Principle: Parents are conduits of life, not idealized figures. Their imperfections do not diminish the value of the life they passed on.
Key Understanding:
- Children sometimes reject their parents because they don't meet certain ideals, but this rejection creates disconnection and pain.
- Honoring parents as the source of life allows children to access their strength and vitality.
Healing Focus: Recognize and honor the role of parents as the bearers of life, regardless of their actions or shortcomings.